Nevermind
by MoonInLove07
Summary: Derek and Penelope meet by chance at a coffee shop, after two years without knowing about each other. Time has passed, but wounds are still open.
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: **I DON'T OWN ANYTHING**

One is ends getting used to everything. At the end, you get used to being away from your friends, to stop doing the things you like and you even get used to living for work.

Derek Morgan thought he had everything that a man could ask for: a beautiful wife, a beautiful house, a great car and a good job. He had good friends and a good health. His life was perfect ... to eyes of others.

At that moment, while he enjoyed a lackluster coffee in a lackluster coffee shop, dozens of thoughts were haunting his mind. Had he ever been happy? Did he ever loved Tania? Really his work was so important to him? Why he left Virginia? And most importantly, why he was back there?

He pulled the cell phone out from the pocket of his leather jacket to check if he had a call. Nothing. Derek smiled sadly. Who the hell cared about him anyway? He didn't have friends in New York, his teammates were focused on their own lives and Tania ... she never couldn't return to his life, and honestly he did not want her to. They'd already done enough damage to each other for two years.

"I want a takeaway coffee, please," she asked with a big smile, almost flirting with the bartender "Oh, and I want it strong, just like you"

The boy blushed slightly, and she had to fight a laugh. Her blackberry rang in her black jacket for the third time in ten minutes. She rolled her eyes and pulled the phone out of her right pocket. Then she heard his voice "Penelope? Are you, really?"

She froze. Her muscles were paralyzed, but her heart began to pound as crazy. Her blackberry still ringing from the palm of her hand, but Penelope was almost in shock. She turned slowly, until being face to face with him. "Morgan?"

He looked her up and down. She had lost her colorful clothes and her crazy accessories. She was dressed like a true businesswoman. Her white blouse and jeans made her look very sophisticated. Her blonde hair fell over her shoulders, her lips were painted cherry red and her eyes were barely delineated by a thin black line. The only splash of color was in her red shoes. "Woah, you look absolutely stunning"

Penelope smiled slightly, trying to control her nerves. A single sentence could make her shake like that. "Thank you" she replied, as she turned to pick up her coffee. "What are you doing here?"

Derek shrugged, sighing strongly "I don't know"

She stirred slightly her cup of coffee, not knowing what to say. After two years without talking to each other, it was not easy for them start a conversation. Penelope took a few steps toward him, still smiling, "Well, I'm glad to see you. Reid told me you got married"

"Well, the truth is that I'm divorced"

"Oh, I'm sorry"

"Don't be"

Silence settled between them again. Derek realized that Penelope was uncomfortable with the situation, but he would not end their conversation like that. "And how's your life? Are you still working at the BAU?"

"No" she replied quickly, "I'm working for a software company. Protection programs, databases, security ... all that kind of thing"

"Oh, it's great"

"Um, yeah, I guess"

Penelope has never been so grateful to hear the tone of her phone as at that moment. She looked at the screen and grinned at him "Sorry, job call"

Derek nodded, leaning his back against a wall. He could not stop looking at her even for a single second. His eyes roamed her face, her mouth, and her whole body. But that was not a dirty look, but a look of admiration. He believed that it was impossible, but she was even more beautiful than years ago. Oh well, maybe she was just as beautiful as before. Maybe it was his joy to see her again, who was judging her beauty.

"Well, I think I have to leave" she said with an apologetic look, but he knew she was just being polite. "Good to see you"

"You want me to take you somewhere?" he offered in a desperate last move "My car is parked out there"

Derek held his breath until she said "No, thank you very much. It is not necessary"

"Seriously, I don't mind"

"My car is parked out there too"

They looked at each other for a few seconds before bursting into laughter for the first time since their encounter. Penelope came over and kissed his cheek. "Take care, Morgan"

He grabbed her wrist, preventing her took another step "Forgive me"

"Why?" Penelope asked with a frown, but she knew very well what he was talking about.

"I never meant to hurt you, I ..."

"Don't worry, it's ok" she interrupted with tears in her eyes, "You just did what you thought was needed. Tania was more important than me for you"

"That's not true" Derek whispered "You know what I feel for you"

Penelope avoided his gaze for a moment, "What do you want? You chose her, you married her and now, because everything went wrong, you think you can come into my life again as if nothing had happened "

"I thought I was in love with her, Penelope" he said sadly, his eyes began to moisten "I think it's pretty clear that I was wrong"

"I have to leave" she said, moving away completely from Derek.

"I can see you another day?" he almost pleaded, approaching her "I just want to talk to you, I promise"

Penelope gulped, visibly uncomfortable "I have a lot of work"

"I'll wait"

She went to the door, turning to Derek "I don't think it's a good idea, Morgan"

"Please, I just want to-"

"Can't, ok? I. .." she paused, breathing deep breath "Never mind"

Then she closed the door of the cafeteria, behind her, leaving Derek completely speechless. You get used to everything. You get used to the nightmares, the loneliness, and even to live in a damn apartment that only brings you bad memories. But there are things that time can not cure: because you don't get used to not seeing her smile. You can't get used to not hear her voice. The time doesn't make you forget her kisses and her skin under your fingers. Time doesn't heal your soul, every time you realize you've lost the love of your life forever. Two times.

**_Nothing compares, _**_**No worries or cares, Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made, **  
**Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?** (Someone Like You, ADELE)_


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: **I DON'T OWN ANYTHING**

**AN: **Hi people! Thanks a lot for your reviews, favorites and alerts. I'm glad you want more of this very angsty one-shot, here is the second chapter **:P**

_**-NEVER MIND-**_

Penelope knew she was being stupid. She was aware of that weak point that made her fall surrendered at the feet of Derek Morgan. Her hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, how could he have such an effect on her soul after two years?

She took a big gulp of air, closing her eyes. Her heart was still beating madly inside her chest, and her hands would not stop shaking. "Damn you, Morgan!"

Her life was perfect. Her heart had been healed. She had a good job, a pretty house, a wonderful family. She had Robert and Jay. So why her life seemed so empty?. Penelope dropped her gaze on her left hand, watching her silver ring. She read the inscription, "Forever". A sad smile sailed across her lips. Yeah, forever.

Then she wondered if Derek kept his friendship ring. After all, the stupid idea of buying these rings was his. The loud sound of thunder startled Penelope. With a sigh, she returned to starting the car ...

"I'm home, boys!" Penelope cried with a bright smile on her face

Robert left the kitchen, taking off his green headphones from his ears. "Hey, Penny!" he replied with vibrancy, approaching her and kissing her cheek. "I cooked mac n cheese for lunch"

"Oh, my little chef" she said, entering the kitchen.

Robert rolled his eyes up and shook his head. "I'm seventeen. I stopped being a little kid years ago"

Penelope took a bite of pasta and closed her eyes with delight. The truth is that this guy could cook. Like his mom. She felt a pang of sadness, remembering her best friend. Katie was her rock when her whole world collapsed at her feet. She was a fighter, able to see the light in the darkest place. Until cancer took away her life. Her two sons were left orphans, helpless in a world where there was no place for them. Robert feared being separated from his little brother, and Penelope knew the boy had good reason to be afraid. Jay was just a three years old little boy, any couple would be willing to adopting him. But for a teenager, the adoption was not that easy. But Katie didn't want her children to live apart from each other. So, months prior to her death, Katie managed all the necessary papers for them. And Penelope was delighted to become their second mom.

"This is delicious, congratulations, kid"

The boy's blue eyes shone with fun "You're welcome, ma'am"

"Come on now, I'm still a beautiful young woman" she said, tapping his shoulder.

"That's true"

Robert crossed his arms, leaning in the doorway of the kitchen. He watched Penelope, reading every gesture. Then he let out a soft laugh and ran his hand through his blond hair, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, why?" she asked with indifference, stirring constantly her pasta.

"You're nearly crying" Robert said, arching an eyebrow, "Have you been crying?"

She rested her hands on the table and looked down. That was not the right time for an emotional moment, with her tears and all its romantic depression. But Penelope couldn't help the feeling. She just couldn't help feeling sorry for herself, knowing that her life was tied to a man who never actually loved her. "I don't cry"

But her voice sounded so weak and unconvincing. She was crashing again, as two years ago. He was not a happy man, as she had wished so many times. But ironically, his sadness not alleviated her pain. A tear started down her cheek, and she closed her eyes, trying to drown out all others.

"Whoever he is" Robert said fiercely "He doesn't deserve your tears. Because if this guy is worthy, he couldn't make you cry"

"Are you sad, Penny?" Jay asked with his beautiful brown eyes filled with concern. Penelope smiled and approached the little boy.

"It's nothing, my sweet prince," she said, kissing his forehead and stroking his black curls

"It's raining a lot," he said "There's thunder"

Penelope hugged Jay, seating him on her lap "Don't worry, sweetie. Our house is a safe place"

_**-NEVER MIND-**_

There are times when it is not worth fighting. Sometimes it's best to give up and leave. But Derek Morgan was a too stubborn man. At that very moment, as the rain soaked his clothes, he tried to convince himself that it was time to stop being a coward.

He was still in front of her door, hoping to find the strength to step forward. The storm didn't stop, and he felt the cold seeping into his bones. Derek closed his eyes for a few seconds, allowing water to clarify all his thoughts. He couldn't lose her. Not again. Then his hand hit the door.

"I'm coming!" a sweet voice said "One moment, please"

Penelope opened the door with a smile, ready to welcome her guest. But her smile faded from her face as soon as she saw a drenched Derek Morgan before her. The water got all over his face, droplets came down like a river through his clothes. "What are you doing here?" she asked with a frown, totally shocked, "How did you find me?"

"I followed you" he replied with bated breath "I couldn't let you go again"

She blinked several times. He ran his hand over his face trying to clear his vision. He stood before her door, without saying a word. She knew he was waiting for permission to come into her house. But that would not happen. "It's raining, go home"

"I'm not going anywhere," he said stubbornly, "I have to talk to you"

"You're soaked"

"I don't fucking care"

"Go away, Morgan" she snapped, looking at his eyes "There is nothing to talk between us. Don't want you in my life. I accepted your decision, without insisting. You do the same, please"

Derek swallowed hard and took a few steps back, still staring at Penelope. He reached inside his shirt and showed her a necklace. She immediately recognized the ring that hung from his neck.

"Forever," he whispered slowly, approaching her, "I do not pretend to delete my mistakes, Penelope. I'm not here to get into your bed, or to regain the place I lost. I just want us to be friends again"

"I don't-"

"I'm not going anywhere without you"

_**I don't mind spending every day out on your corner in the pouring rain, look for the girl with the broke smile...**(She will be loved, MAROON 5)_


	3. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER: **I DON'T OWN ANYTHING (BESIDES O.C.)**

"I'm not going anywhere without you"

Penelope didn't know why, but his words along with the conviction that Derek used to say them, brought a warm feeling to her heart. She could lie to herself over and over again, but that would be like fighting a losing battle. Despite the passage of years, despite all the pain ... Penelope didn't know how much she'd missed him, until the moment that he was facing her.

"Something wrong, Penny?" Robert asked, standing next to her. Penelope had to fight a laugh. That boy was too alpha for his own good. His protective nature, his physical strength and his fine sarcasm reminded her of Derek.

Derek, meanwhile, looked at the teenager with a frown. "Who are you?"

"I think it's me who should ask that," he said defiantly, folding his arms "This is my house"

Penelope rolled up her eyes and sighed, "Can we have this male duel inside the house?"

Robert opened his mouth to speak, but the glance of Penelope silenced him. "I'll get some pj's for him" he muttered, without taking his eyes off Derek.

She smiled sweetly at him, "Thanks, baby"

Penelope then saw the expression of surprise on Derek. His eyebrows were raised and he was even somewhat openmouthed. "Is he your boyfriend?"

"What?" she replied incredulously, right before burst out laughing. Derek crossed his arms, annoyance visible all over his face. He clenched his jaw, avoiding looking directly at Penelope.

"I don't know what's so funny, Garcia"

Oh, Garcia. He was really angry at her. Then her laughter became something uncontrollable. "How old is that kid? Nineteen?"

Penelope inspired several times, trying to regain her composure. "I know it sounds cliché, but this is not what it seems"

Right then, Jay ran out of the kitchen with an empty dish in his small hands "Look, I ate it all" he said with a smile on his lips.

Derek looked at the child, and then at Penelope. He frowned and looked back at the boy. Jay cocked his head and looked curiously at Derek "Who are you?"

"I'm Derek Morgan, buddy" he said, bending down to be at the same height of the child, "What is your name?"

"Jay Gordon Garcia"

Penelope saw such a shock in his eyes, it was even fun. He was thinking that she had formed a family with a teenager. That was too funny.

"Sorry, I don't have your muscles" Robert said, shrugging his shoulders, "Maybe this is somewhat tightened for you, but I have nothing widest"

"Thanks," Derek replied, taking the pj's "I go to the bathroom"

He looked at Derek go into the bathroom, and then turned to look at Penelope, a knowing smile on his face "You like that guy?"

"He is my friend" she said, avoiding his eyes "Not everyone has revolutionized hormones like you. I'm no longer for those games"

"Ok, whatever you say" Robert said with a smirk "Jay and I are going to Aaron's house to watch a movie" then he winked at her, "Time alone with your old friend, kitty"

Penelope hit his shoulder with more force than necessary. "Oh, shut up!"

Robert laughed loudly, picking Jay up. Then he turned serious "Call me if I you want his arms broken"

"Come on, you know he could break all your bones in a second. Not be cocky" she joked, kissing his cheek "Be good, my little ones. And please do not bother to Mrs. Hotchner. All that fuss can not be good for her pregnancy "

"Bye, bye Penny" Jay said smiling. "I love you to the sky"

Penelope kissed his forehead and whispered "I love you, my prince"

She closed the door and leaned against the wall. Biting her lower lip, she asked herself: What now?

-NEVER MIND-

Derek left the bathroom, now completely dry. He was sure he was going to pay the consequences of his folly with a severe cold. He looked around the living room, and everything looked so different from her old apartment. There were toys and soda cans all over the place, her DVD collection was full of cartoons and even there was a small green Ipod with huge green headphones. He smiled, looking at Penelope washing dishes.

"Need help?"

Penelope shook her head slightly, but did not turn to look at him "No, thanks. Would you like a drink?"

He stood beside her, dropping his hand on her shoulder. "Only if you'll take another one with me"

"Nice ring," she whispered, looking directly at the hand that was on her shoulder. Derek pulled his hand away, and swallowed. "I thought you were divorced"

He avoided his gaze and then she knew that Derek had lied. Of course, a divorced man would never wear his wedding ring. Penelope jaw tensed, and laughed weakly, but it was a sad laugh. "Why I am surprised, Morgan?"

"Penelop-"

"Shut up," she whispered aggressively "Shut the fuck up"

Derek rubbed his eyes, and then ran his hand over his head. "Can we sit down and talk?"

_**I know I can't take one more step towards you, cause all that's waiting is regret, And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore...You lost the love I loved the most **(Jar of hearts, CHRISTINA PERRI)_

* * *

**AN: **_Thanks for your reviews, favorites and alerts. I can't reply your comments right now, but I do it tomorrow :) I hope you liked! Tell me what you think ;)_


	4. Chapter 4

DISCLAIMER **I DON'T OWN ANYTHING (BESIDES O.C.)**

"I thought you had something to say," she said firmly, her brown eyes staring at him. Derek was too smart to hide his own marriage or fake his divorce. Despite all, Penelope still believed in his honesty, so she decided to hear his version.

He didn't looked back at her, his eyes remained lost inside the chocolate mug. Derek had been waiting for this opportunity for years, he wanted her like that, ready to hear everything he had to say. But now, he didn't know where to start.

"Where are the boys?"

Penelope lifted an eyebrow and gave him a look that meant 'Seriously, Morgan?'

"It's raining"

"Hotch lives four minutes from here, and Robert owns a car," she interrupted, sipping her tea "Are you going to talk now?"

Derek crossed his arms and frowned. He couldn't help his next question "Robert's your boyfriend?"

Penelope could have laughed if circumstances were different. But then, she was not in a good mood. She was angry, doubting about her decision to allowing Derek Morgan come back into her life. She shook her head slightly, resting her hands on the table.

He abandoned her, everything was more important than her, but Derek had the gall to ask for explanations. He, the man who had been waiting on the pouring rain, with his wedding ring on his finger still.

"What if he is?" Penelope asked, raising her chin "Do you have some reproach for me?"

He looked at her without blinking for a few seconds before he answered faintly, "No. If you're happy, that's fine for me"

Penelope closed her eyes tightly. She wouldn't cry, not in front of him. "No, Morgan. I'm not happy," she said in tears "What about you?"

"Well, the truth is that I'm fucked" Derek replied sincerely, letting out a slight laugh. He was truly pathetic. That was something he didn't want to say, but she deserved the truth.

"My teammates hate me. I think I'm the most hated boss around the building"

"Come on, you know that's not true," she whispered, placing her hand over his. Derek looked at their hands in surprise, but she pulled her hand away. Too sweet to last. "No one can hate you, Morgan. You are a good guy"

"I think Tania hates me" he said without looking at her eyes "You hate me"

He had so much pain in his face, she longed to hug him and throw away all his grief. But it was too soon, and there were too many scars on her. "Why would your wife hate you?" Penelope didn't want to talk about her own feelings. Not for the world.

"She's not my wife anymore" he replied, returning to move the spoon "I divorced her five months ago"

Penelope snorted, smiling without humor "You think I'm stupid?"

"Why would lie to you?"

"Two years ago, you behaved like a fucking liar" she hissed, her face flushed in anger, "Why would it be different now?"

Derek lowered his head and remained silent. He knew he should never hide his relationship with Tania years ago, but his heart was divided between the two women. He was unable to choose one of them. Tania was a breath of fresh air in his life, someone who lived far from the darkness of his job. She was beautiful, smart and sweet. But Penelope was in his heart, he couldn't giving up her love. She was in every fiber of his being, every drop of his blood. But their sexual adventure was not going anywhere, and he needed stability in his life. And Penelope seemed to be experiencing a sexual revolution, a drastic change of life where the idea of a stable relationship had no room. Maybe he should wait for her. Maybe running away was not a good solution.

"Why do you come to my house begging for my friendship and then you keep on lying to me?" she said, interrupting his thoughts. "Morgan, answer me, damn it! I'm talking to you!"

He looked at her with a clenched jaw, all of a sudden feeling angry. Why she got mad by the idea of him being a married man? Her boyfriend was a fucking teenager, after all!

"I'm telling the truth"

"I don't think so" she whispered, "Don't believe a word from you." Didn't she was so special, so pretty, so young?"

Penelope rose from the table, and stood beside him. Anger had taken possession of her will, and she couldn't control her mouth. She grabbed his jaw with her hand, forcing him to look at her face. Her voice was broken with pain when she said "Was not Tania the love of your life? You told this to Rossi. She is the perfect woman for me"

Derek's eyes grew sad and a painful smile played on his lips "I loved Tania but I never fell for her"

"Of course, Morgan" she sneered, dropping his chin "You can't love anyone else but yourself. What was the cause of your divorce? She was no longer so beautiful? Were you bored of fucking with the same woman over and over again? "

"No, nothing like that happened," he said sadly, avoiding her eyes. Penelope saw tears in his eyes and she felt like a damn witch. Her heart could bear her own pain, but not his.

"I'm so sorry, pl-"

"She cheated on me" he said with disgust "Tania became pregnant with another man"

Penelope felt her own heart broken for him. She wished his unhappiness many times, she even felt guilty right now. With a trembling hand, she stroked his cheek with her fingertips. "I'm so sorry, honey," she whispered with tears "I'm sorry Tania-"

"I don't want to talk about her," he said, kissing her palm "Tania is no longer in my life and I don't miss her"

"So your ring-"

Derek closed his eyes, turning her hand to his cheek. He didn't want to talk about it, the whole situation was too humiliating for his male ego. But he knew that the truth was the only way to her heart.

"Nobody knows I'm divorced" he said looking at her eyes, "My mom calls every weekend to ask about her and I don't do nothing but make excuses" He was silent, looking for the right words to explain his situation "I don't wanted to disappoint her, ok? I don't want my mother to realize that she has a son who is a fucking loser "

"You're not a loser" she said, placing her hands on his, "You've just been unlucky, and-"

Derek grabbed her wrists and looked with a frown her skin "What the hell is this?" he asked sharply, his eyes fixed on her face looking for an answer.

"Get off me" she asked weakly.

"Penelope, by God ... tell me that you have not tried to kill yourself ... It was my fault?"

**But something happened for the very first time with you, my heart melts into the ground found something true **_(Bleeding love, LEONA LEWIS)_


	5. Chapter 5

DISCLAIMER: **I DON'T OWN ANYTHING (BESIDES O. C.)**

**AN: **Hi! Thanks for your reviews, favorites and alerts! I'll answer you very soon, I promise! Kisses&Hugs

* * *

She should have known better. Derek Morgan was the most persistent man in the world. "Answer me, Penelope"

Her eyes remained looking down as he caressed her wrists with his thumbs. Penelope nearly smiled. She had couldn't longer remember his fingers on her skin, had been too long since the last time. His big strong hands were holding her scarred wrists with delicacy, as if he were afraid to open those wounds.

She blinked slowly, then raised her eyes to meet his gaze. His hazel eyes were tinged with pain and his face was a gesture of concern. Penelope lifted up her hand to her wrist, pulling his fingers away from her scars. "It has nothing to do with you" Penelope assured him, taking a few steps backward, away from his body. She could smell his masculine scent floating in the air, possessing all her senses.

"Why did you do that?" he asked again, scowling at her. His gesture was stiff, looking at her hands with both concern and anger.

"Your clothing is already dry" Penelope said with indifference from the bathroom. She grabbed his white shirt and his jeans, and tossed them to Derek with a smirk. "Take off that thing. That does not suit you"

Of a sudden, she could feel a more relaxed ambient in the room. He grinned, catching his clothes. If it were that easy, if life doesn't had so many complications. Penelope was sure she could jump his bones and devour him. Thank God for her self control.

But her mind didn't seem ready to be quite gracious. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, letting the memories warm up her body. Penelope thought it was a perverted thing, but she couldn't help the shudder that ran down her back to her warm wet core. What the hell was wrong with her? The guy was barely just steps away!

'All right, girl. Behave 'she thought, talking to herself' Leave these erotic things for another day. This is NOT the time'

But then she turned to look at him. And her breath was caught in her throat. Derek was in front of her, with nothing but his unbuttoned jeans. Her shameless gaze paraded through his body, watching every inch of bare skin. Penelope was convinced she would live with that image in her brain for the rest of her days. How could a man be so fucking hot? How could she resist him, knowing how his body responded to her touch?

"Penelope" he whispered hoarsely, breathing hard. It was clear that Derek was enjoying the situation as much as herself.

She walked up to him with sure steps. His eyes glittered with want, his pupils darkening. Penelope smirked when she saw his bulging crotch, trapped against the hard fabric of his jeans. Her brain warned her that she would regret about that later. But she was a woman, she needed to feel again. Penelope didn't even know how long it had been...

Before her brain registers her next action, she was just inches from his body. She stared at his wistful eyes, as her hands caressed his abs up to his chest. Derek closed his eyes and parted his mouth, releasing a faint moan.

She felt his muscles reacting to her burning slow touch. He was perfect. Everything in him was perfect. And in that moment, she didn't care about anything else than worshiping his body.

Her tongue licked lazily at his nipple, as if she had all the time in the world. "Shit, baby girl"

Then his hand was tangled in her hair, pulling her mouth to his. His lips were soft, sweet, simply tasty. He traced her lower lip, before deepening their kiss to levels almost prohibited. Their tongues battled inside her mouth, exchanging decadent caresses.

She was high by his passion. At that time, Penelope was totally out of control. Her body wanted his warmth. She needed to feel him. While her wet mouth left open-mouthed kisses on his chest, she stuck her hand inside his jeans, grabbing his dick between her hand. A stifled groan escaped his mouth, his hips pounding against her hand.

"God, you're perfect," she whispered against his jaw, leaving wet kisses there. "So big, so beautiful ... How did I get live without you?"

Derek knew he was on the edge. Her majestic petting, her fiery kisses and her dirty words were driving him crazy. But he needed more. He needed to be inside her hot body.

Then he took control of the situation and he trapped Penelope between his body and the wall "Sorry, I'll buy you a new one"

"What?"

He placed his hands around the neckline of her shirt and yanked it, making jump every button. His mouth sought her perky nipples and his hand slipped furtively under her skirt until his fingers brushed her clit.

"Oh, yes!" she screamed, shaking her pelvis against his hand frantically "Don't stop, please! Fuck!"

Derek grabbed her jaw, placing a finger over her lips. She licked his finger slowly, looking at him with a smirk. "I want you so badly ..."

"Likewise, momma" he said, putting himself inside her.

-**NEVERMIND-**

"Slow down, honey," she whispered in his ear, her hands wandering up and low all over his back "Do me slowly"

Derek stopped his thrusts and kissed her shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Penelope bit her lower lip, still looking at the ceiling. God, she was a mess. Derek chose another woman, but he just needed 4 hours for getting back on top of her, fucking her body like a madman.

There was nothing romantic about fucking against a wall. That than both of them had done, it had nothing to do with love. He had never loved her, and never would do. She was just a hot pussy.

"Talk to me, baby" he said softly, kissing her neck "What's wrong?"

She placed her hands on his shoulders and pulled him away from her body "I think you should go"

* * *

**Little broken hearts of the night, Slowly picking up their knives, On their way to the fight, Tonight they want revenge **(Little Broken Hearts, NORAH JONES)


	6. Chapter 6

DISCLAIMER: **I DON'T OWN ANYTHING (BESIDES O.C.)**

Penelope filled her glass. Once again. She snorted in disgust, placing her drink next to her ankle. Alcohol wouldn't cover her pain. This delicious red wine was not any magic formula against wrong feelings.

People say that your past doesn't affect your future. Penelope was a bit tipsy because of the wine, but not to the extent of laughing at her own disgrace. The wine slipped down her throat, burning all her disappointed.

She couldn't go on like that, sinking in her own misery. Her boys needed her happy and full of life. Although at that time, she was a mess with legs. Her hair was tousled and her old pink pajamas it was becoming her second skin. Penelope didn't want to see herself in that condition, so her living room was engulfed in total darkness.

Her glass was refilled with reddish liquid for the umpteenth time. Penelope closed her eyes for a moment, feeling sorry for herself. She was a really depressing woman. Nobody in his right mind would want to be part of her life. She had too many wounds, too much shit around. What kind of man could want a woman so shattered?

"Why are you sitting on the floor?" Robert asked as he opened the house door. He looked curiously at the glass "Are you drunk?"

"These are hours of coming home, young man?" she growled, placing her head on the sofa arm. Penelope didn't want to talk about it. "You're punished"

Robert took off his jacket, shaking his head slightly. That woman had unexpected mood changes. That morning, she had been very happy playing with Jay. The entire park was astonished by her good humor. But now, she looked like a scrap human being. "I thought that only teenagers have mood swings"

Penelope shot him a look before muttering "I'm in full 40 crisis"

"But you're thirty-six" Robert reminded her with a smile, sitting beside her. He leaned his back against the bottom of the couch. "Can I have a drink?"

"You're underage" she answered, without opening her eyelids "Wait to grow and be a real man"

Robert chuckled and sighed heavily. She was a good woman. Penelope was sweet, smart and funny. She always had a smile on her face, but he knew that her reality it was not as cheerful. "Penny" he whispered insecure "I can ask you a question?"

Penelope do not even turned to look at him. She kept with her moist eyes fixed on the ceiling of the room. "Yeah"

"Morg-"

"I don't wanna talk about that guy" she interrupted sharply, "He's out of my life"

No, she would not talk about it. The last thing she wanted was the pity from a 17 years old boy. Penelope wanted to delete Derek's existence as if he had never been around. He had to leave her heart so she could live a happy life.

"It was him, right?" Robert insisted, his voice barely a whisper. He covered Penelope's trembling hand with his. "He was the father of Matt"

Penelope felt her own heart was shrinking with pain. She could hardly hear his name, without breaking to cry. Her tears began to fall slowly from her sad eyes. That was her pain and she had a right to feel it.

Robert slipped an arm around her shoulders and kissed her head. His blue eyes were moistened, too. But he had to be the strong person in that room.

"I miss him, Rob," she sobbed, burying her cheek against his shoulder, "I miss my baby so much"

Then his weak sob turned into a disconsolately crying. Robert just held her, not knowing what else to do to ease her grief. "My poor baby"

Minutes later, she managed to take control of her emotions.

"He knew about Matt?"

She smiled slightly, shaking her head, "No. I did not know I was pregnant until he went to New York"

"Why don't you call him?"

"I called him" she replied, looking nowhere. The pain she had felt that day, it would live forever in her soul. "But his wife answered the phone"

He frowned, really surprised "And how did you know she was his wife?"

"I didn't know. Reid told me"

Robert rose from the floor, and laid a big smile on his face. She smiled back gratefully. "Turn on the light?"

"Ok, do you know that it's good to brighten up the mood?" he said, placing his Ipod on the speakers

"Music!"

Penelope smiled, but then she heard some sad notes. She had to fight a laugh. Robert looked offended to his Ipod, with open mouth "Betrayer!"

She smiled and patted the boy's back, "Go to sleep, darling. Tomorrow will be another day"

Robert kissed her cheek and went to his room, yawning on the way. Penelope leaned against the wall, whispering a verse of that song: _Sometimes love is not enough when the road gets though_.

**-NEVERMIND-**

Derek leaned back in his seat, loosening the knot of his black tie. God, how he hated those damn clothes. He closed his eyes, attempting to clear his mind.

He wanted to work things out, he wanted to direct his life. But in his mind there was only room for one thing. His fingers caressing her flesh, his lips devouring her skin. Her tongue tasting each piece of his body. She saying goodbye. No a reason, no explanations. A cold goodbye. Just like two years ago.

He sighed resignedly, opening his eyes. But then there was nothing to see. New York was in front of his eyes, full of noise and full of people. New York, the city of the world. Derek would give his job, his luxury apartment, and even his late-model car in exchange for his old life. People say that your past doesn't affect your future. But he didn't believe there was a happy future in his way. Not without her.

A soft knock on his office door, and Derek returned to his sad present. He didn't need turning his seat, or take away his eyes from the large window. He could recognize that sound anywhere. "What the hell do you want?"

She snorted tiredly, crossing her arms, "At least you could look at me"

"Tania, I'm busy. What the hell you want"

"Busy?" she asked incredulously, cocking her brunette head to look out the window "You are looking at the lights of the buildings, Derek"

"Well, maybe I don't wanna talk to you" he snapped, turning to tighten the knot of his tie, "Are you happy now?"

"Your mother called this morning," Tania said, ignoring his rude comment "She says we should fly to Chicago. Sarah's wedding is this weekend, I don't know what the heck are you waiting for"

Derek turned his seat and dialed a number on the phone. Tania narrowed her eyes and shook her head. "Really, you expect to come with you to Chicago?"

"Why not?" he asked, with a headset in his hand "Is there a problem with that?"

"Of course I have," she almost shouted, opening wide her green eyes "Charlie is fed up with the whole situation"

He smiled sadly, "Tania, I was not gonna ask you to come with me this time. So you can calm yourself"

Tania sighed relieved, patting her belly "I'm glad. I don't know what your family could think about my big belly"

"They would think you're a bitch" he said nonchalantly, looking for the airport number.

"What did you say?" she asked shocked

"Nothing," he said with a fake smile, "talking to myself"

"Ah, ok" Tania giggled, but not looking directly into the eyes of her ex husband "It will be a little girl"

"Congratulations"

"Charlie is so happy, I know he's going to be a good father"

Derek smiled at the happiness of Tania. She never felt so happy in their marriage. Maybe she never loved him. Like he never loved her. Their marriage had been a lie. Yes, they had loved each other at some point. In their relationship there warmth, tenderness and lots of sex. But then came that day. The day that the sex was not enough. Their relationship broke down a little more every day and started filling up with recriminations, arguments and infidelity. "Bye, Tania"

"Bye" she said before leaving his office.

He turned his chair to face the New York sky. For some reason, Derek felt more relaxed. Then he took off his wedding ring from his finger. Maybe he should have fought for his marriage. Maybe he should have loved his wife. Or maybe he should have stayed with the woman he truly loved. Maybe everything would have been easier, and he would not feel so damn miserable.

Derek opened one of the windows from his office and threw the ring to the street. He saw it fall to the ground. One song sounded from somewhere nearby. He smiled, leaning against the wall.

* * *

**Feet don't fail me now, Take me to the finish line, Oh my heart it breaks every step that I take, But I'm hoping at them gates, They'll tell me that you're mine **(Born to Die, LANA DEL REY)


	7. Chapter 7

DISCLAIMER: **I DON'T OWN ANYTHING (BESIDES O.C.)**

* * *

_-14 months later-_

Spencer Reid didn't like get attached to people. He was a too sentimental person and everything affected him a very intense way. But after so many years, Derek Morgan was part of his life. No matter how far his friend was living.

He sat on the bonnet of his beige car and folded his cold hands around his mouth, blowing into his palms. New York winter was really cold in that November. Slight snowflakes fell on his corduroy jacket, like small pieces of cotton.

"Garcia, I'm freezing out here," Spencer said, pulling out his gloves from a pocket, "Can you get out of the car, please?"

She didn't answer. Her eyes remained fixed upon that child. The little boy was making small snowballs to create a mini-snowman. Penelope couldn't stop looking at him. She just couldn't stop looking at his beautiful brown eyes, his black curly hair, his precious grin. Her heart knew that Matt could have been like that child, if he hadn't died.

A small smile played on her face. Matt would always live inside her. No matter how many children she could have someday or the passage of time. He would always be her baby.

"Garcia, you hear me?" Spencer asked, lightly tapping the window glass "There is a strict schedule for visits, and if we don't hurry us-"

"I've heard it" she said squinting her eyes, "I'm not deaf"

Spencer smiled crookedly and stared curiously at Penelope. She was in the middle of the sidewalk, without saying a word. He knew what his friend was thinking about. He thought about it, too. "Are you wondering why you're here?"

She blinked several times, trying to drown her tears. In a weak voice, Penelope answered "Yes"

"Well, I think the answer is quite clear"

'Clearly you're still in love with Derek Morgan' he wanted to say. But Spencer knew that this was not the time nor the place. She was nervous, concerned, at the edge of a nervous breakdown. Despite the pain, despite time and distance, she kept worrying about him as the first day.

When he learned that Derek had been hurt while working on a case, Spencer knew his duty it was be next to one of his best friends. He was like a big brother to him, that would never change. For her, Derek was more than a man. He was her best friend, her love and the father of her son. And that would never change.

"You care about Morgan" Spencer said gently as they began to walk toward the hospital "And he'll be happy to see you"

"I don't think so," she replied with a hint of sadness, recalling the bitter taste of their goodbye. Penelope provoked him sexually and then she felt a sudden dignity attack. Her hand was placed into his boxers brazenly, but then she wanted uber sweet lovemaking. Yeah, very subtle. She still remembered his sad eyes, his broken voice calling for a second chance for them. She told him 'stay away from my life' and he fulfilled her wish.

Then came regret nights and lonely days. Her heart was shouting over and over again 'stupid! how could you be so stupid!'. No, he wouldn't be happy to see her face. Derek Morgan was many things, but it was not a masochist.

"This has been a mistake," she said abruptly, before the watchful eyes of Spencer "I shouldn't be here, my place is in Virginia. I have my life, Morgan has his life. This isn't fair to either of us and you know it"

Spencer looked dumbfounded the verbiage of Penelope. He was truly amazed by her ease of finding excuses. "Garcia, calm yourself"

She shook her head, refusing to look at his eyes. "I gotta go"

"If you want to go, it's your thing"

"Ok"

"But I don't think you want to be away from Morgan right now"

Penelope crossed her arms and tossed her head back. Why does everything have to be so hard? Why couldn't she move on with her life? How could someone be so essential in her life?. She smiled wistfully, "I don't want to suffer more about him, Reid. Don't want to keep feeling this pain inside me"

He gulped, thinking for a moment about her situation. Spencer understood her pain more than anyone else. "Look, I can't say what you should do with yourself. You're a bright woman. But if you still feel something for him, the least you can do is be true to your own feelings"

She snorted wryly, drying her meager tears with the palm of her hand "Not so easy"

"Love is not easy," he answered with certainty, placing a hand on her shoulder "Love is like a Russian roulette. If you want to live, you have to risk. Course it hurts, I know it hurts like hell but .. . love is what we're talking about here "

Penelope smiled at him, raising her left hand to stroke his cheek "Don't fall in love, Reid. You'll end up suffering"

"Don't live. You'll end up dying"

-**NEVERMIND-**

Penelope came slowly to the hospital room. She didn't even know if he was out of danger. Spencer had told her that the bullet hit his chest, he owed his life to those blessed bulletproof vests. However, when he turned his back to the murderer, Marc Beenway shot him from the ambulance stretcher. That fucking sick shot his neck, and then a trail of blood was formed around his unconscious body.

She watched his wounds from the doorway. It was clear that Morgan had been fighting against that guy, prior to being injured.

A knot formed in her throat, seeing their ring around his neck. He still remembered their friendship, despite all. She might be not the most important woman in his life, but his heart was with her.

Penelope raised a trembling hand and rubbed his brow, trying to erase his scowl. "Hey, cutie" she whispered with a smile, staring at his closed eyes, "When will you stop risking your life? You scared the hell out of me"

Then the door opened, but Penelope didn't hear the sound of her heels. "Who are you?"

She turned around confused, and Then she saw her. Penelope gulped, trying to calm her nerves. "I'm Pe-"

"I don't care who you are" the other woman shouted, fixing his snake eyes on her face. She looked at Penelope with arrogance, almost contemptuously. "You have no right to be here. He is MY husband"

Penelope felt her heart had stopped beating for a second, then it was pumping madly against her chest. She had never felt so stupid like at that moment. Derek's wife was gorgeous, but she was an evil viper.

"I think you're confusing" she managed to stammer "I'm just a friend of his"

"Derek has no girlfriends" Tania replied flatly, crossing her arms under her fake big breasts "Only little bitches for fucking when I'm out of town"

She wanted to cry. Never in her life, she was so eager to cry. But her pride wouldn't allow her to shed a single tear in front of that witch. Tania shook her thick black hair, placing it on one of her shoulders. "Can you leave? Want to be alone with my man"

"Sure, goodbye" she said quickly, leaving the room.

"Nobody is going to separate us again" Tanya whispered in his ear, knowing that her ex-husband couldn't hear her. If he had been able to hear her words, her fate would have been different. He would come to the defense of that stupid woman. As he always did.

Penelope didn't know whether she said goodbye to the demon, or the love of her life. But at that moment, she cared nothing. Love was like Russian roulette. She had played with the gun too long. In the end, a bullet pierced her heart.

_**If you play, you play for keeps. Take the gun, and count to three. I'm sweating now, moving slow. No time to think, my turn to go... And you can see my heart beating, **__**You can see it through my chest **__(Russian Roulette, RIHANNA)_


	8. Chapter 8

DISCLAIMER: **I DON'T OWN ANYTHING (BESIDES O.C.)**

AN: _Hi, folks! Thanks a lot for your favorites, alerts and reviews. I like hear from your and your ideas, opinions, etc. I hope you like the chapter! Here is BadAss Penelope (LoL)_

_Kisses&Hugs!_

* * *

She left that room without looking back. Penelope didn't think she could bear the contemptuous look of Tania. That bitch looked at people with haughty gesture as a spoiled princess.

That stupid plastic doll reminded her of Shanna Grey, her smug high school classmate. She, the prom queen, the gorgeous head cheerleader, girlfriend of every one of the team's players... making life miserable for the nerdy girl. Oh, what a cliché!

Penelope went from feeling devastated to feel the anger boiling in her blood. Why do these women always came out winning? Did these brainless girls would never get what they deserve?

Her hand cleaned any trace of tears on her cheek. Tania had no right to give her any orders. Penelope turned around, determined to returning to the room, but then she felt a hand grabbing her elbow.

"Where were you?" Spencer asked, seeing how upset his friend was

She hit his chest faintly, "Where were you? I have lived the worst possible moment of my life and you were not there!"

He lifted a bag in front of her face, "I went to buy food. I thought you said you were hungry"

Penelope rolled her eyes upward, letting out a sigh of exasperation. Nobody could get angry with someone who had such an innocent face. She grabbed the bag and looked inside, "What is this?"

"Vegetable Sandwiches, nachos and cheese, and soda"

"Thanks, boy genius" she replied with a smile, passing her arm around his neck "Let's go to visit Morgan"

Spencer smiled at her, shaking his head. He knew she had been crying. But he was not going to ask why, if her eyes flashed with anger. Not for the world.

**-NEVER MIND-**

Tania was getting desperate. Why the hell he didn't wake up? That was just surgery, no big deal. Anesthesia was not that strong. She bit her lower lip, placing her hands on her waist.

Somehow, she needed get Derek back. She couldn't live on that crummy apartment anymore. No, she deserved better.

She wanted a big house with pool, garden and a car all to herself. She wanted domestic service and especially, she needed a babysitter.  
Sammy took up all her time, and she could not tolerate that. Her daughter was beautiful, so like Charlie. But taking care of that stupid baby was really exhausting.

No, she was not mommy material. Tania was not wife material, either. But she wanted an easy life, no worries, no work. She wanted comfort and money. She needed a man. A man like Derek.

Tania drew a triumphant smile on her face, recalling her defeated gesture. She had nothing special. Yeah, she was pretty and, thank goodness, now her style was of a normal woman. But she was still a insignificant shrinking violet.

"Tania?" his voice was weak, almost a whisper. He coughed lightly to clear his throat and asked in confusion, "Are you, Tania?

She turned to look at Derek with a false adoration look. Shaking her long lashes, Tania sat on the edge of the bed and stroked his cheek "You finally woke up, honey"

However, Derek pulled her hand away firmly. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Marshall told me you were hurt," she said, trying to ignore his anger "I was really worried about you"

"Marshall should mind her fucking business" he growled with hostility, frowning.

"Don't be unfair! She is your partner, Derek, and she is a good friend"

"Kimberly Marshall is just a fucking toady. That girl has no personality, and you're able to handle it as you please, like a puppet. That's what you like from her"

Tania got up from the bed, placing a pout on her lips. Derek shook his head, returning to close his eyelids. She opened her mouth, completely shocked, "What are you doing?"

"Sleep" he replied nonchalantly

"You ... You're a rude!" she stomped her feet like a little girl, hitting her left heel on the floor "Look at me, Derek, I've been here since last night, you ingrate. The least you could do is-"

"Tania, shut the fuck up" he mumbled, without opening his eyes. "Go home and be a good mother for your daughter, since you don't know to be a good wife. You should not be here, I don't want you here. Now get out"

Now she was furious. Tania prepared her sharp tongue, wanting to throw all her venom against him. Arching an eyebrow, she tightened her jaw and folded her arms. "If I was not a good wife, it was your fault. Our marriage failed for you, ok? You're a pathetic husband"

"Fuck off, woman" he replied, looking straight into her unkind green eyes "Get out"

Tania smiled mischievously, looking his body up and down. "You're just a dick to women. Yeah, you're incredibly sexy. But in the end ..." she whispered, resting her hands on the mattress "That doesn't pay. A few orgasms are not worth it, if a woman must live with all your shit. And you know perfectly well what I'm talking about, right?"

"You're not happy with anything, Tania" he replied coldly, trying to hide the pain that his heart was feeling. She was right. No woman could love a man like him. His past was dark and his soul was full of scars. He didn't even know what to do with his fucking life. "If you were a good woman, I would do anything for fall for you. But you're not worth it, because you can't feel anything for anybody."

"That's not true" Tania said, moving away from the bed, "I love Charlie"

"And why are you here?"

"Because he can not give me the life I want"

Then, Derek realized what her true personality was. He believed that Tania was a sweet, clever and honest woman. So he married her. But his ex-wife was a wolf in sheep's clothing. She was hurtful, selfish and superficial. Her facepiece had fallen to the ground before him.

Then the door opened and his heart froze in his chest. That could not be true. She could not be there. "Penelope" Derek whispered with both disbelief and hope.

Tania glared at her "Why are you here?"

"Because you're nobody," she said, lifting her chin. Oh no, she would not give in to her sorberbia. Penelope had already experienced that situation many times with Shanna and her lapdogs. A once in a lifetime was enough. "And he is my friend"

"This is my husband"

"Yeah, sure" Penelope said, chuckling "Out of my way. NOW"

Tania laughed, throwing his head back "You're so funny. What are you gonna do exactly? Hitting me with your fat ass?"

"Tania, get the fuck out" Derek said aggressively. But women did not listen him. They were immersed in their own discussion.

"Oh, of course not, you witch skeleton" Penelope said, reaching into the bag, before rubbing her portion of nachos and cheese all over her hair "You look too skinny, darling. This will come in handy"

Spencer gulped, looking at the two women. Penelope was laughing like mad, but Tania didn't look happy at all. Rather, she was furious, trying to remove all the cheese from her hair. But that was not working.

"I can not clean this shit!" Tania shouted, almost crying. She was really stupid, "Why have you done this?"

"Oh, I dunno. I thought you needed some calories" Penelope said with a big smile. "Can you leave now?"

"You can keep him!" Tania grabbed her purse and headed for the door, totally mortified "He can not even fuck properly"

"Thank you for the information," Spencer joked, when Tania disappeared through the door "It was a existential doubt"

"Oh, shut up" Derek said, laughing, feeling much happier. He looked at Penelope and thanked God for that bullet. Because he knew that Penelope was his guardian angel. She always showed up when he needed her most. "Hey, baby girl"

"Hey yourself"

* * *

**Everywhere I'm looking now, I'm surrounded by your embrace... You know you're my saving grace, You're everything I need and more, It's written all over your face, Baby I can feel your halo... **(Halo, BEYONCE)


	9. Chapter 9

DISCLAIMER: **I DON'T OWN ANYTHING (BESIDES O.C.)**

* * *

It had been over a year since that final kiss. It had been over three years since the last time they were completely happy. But their eyes were exchanging loving glances. And Spencer really did not know what the hell to do to get out of that room.

He looked at Derek, lying in that bed, staring at Penelope as if he did not exist. Then his eyes looked at Penelope, beside him, with a smile on her lips. They just looked at each other, studying each gesture, deciphering their eyes. Derek was a profiler, and Penelope was, after all, a woman.

"Umm, I need some coffee" Spencer said, turning the doorknob "Be right back"

"Ok, man" Derek was not even looking at his friend. Spencer rolled his eyes, shook his head slightly and closed the door behind him.

Penelope gulped, noticeably nervous "How are you?"

"Happy" he said with a beaming smile, never taking his eyes from her face, "You're here with me"

She couldn't prevent her heart speeding up its pace. The sound of his voice touched every fiber of her being, from the first day. Penelope always had something special with Derek. From minute one of their first conversation, she felt there was something magnetic between them. Something chemical, and out of the ordinary.

But she had a rational side that let her head fall down from the clouds. He was too much. Too handsome, too sexy, too funny, too smart and too much everything. Derek Morgan was perfect. He played in another league, just out of reach.

"What are you thinking?"

"Nothing," she said, walking towards the bed. Penelope squeezed his hand. "I'm glad you're OK"

He brought her hand up to his mouth, leaving a light kiss on her knuckles "I wouldn't mind getting hundreds of bullets in my chest, if I have you by my side"

"Don't ever say something like that. Not funny" Penelope said with a frown. She didn't like those kinds of jokes. The mere thought of bullets wounding his body caused terrifying chills in her body.

"I was not joking," Derek said raising his eyebrows, with a serious gesture on his face "It's how I feel about you"

"What the hell?" she whispered, still frowning at him.

He smiled slightly, lowering his look "I was in this big city, surrounded by people" his sad eyes lifted to meet hers, "but I just wanted to see you"

Penelope blinked a few times, and her tears moistened her cheeks. She had missed him, too. Her heart ached every time her mind was traveling to the past, their past together. "I'm sorry I made you unhappy"

And her apology was sincere. She knew that he had said the truth that night. Tania was not his wife anymore, he had not lied about his marriage. But she chose to plug her ears and close her doors, building a wall around her shattered heart.

"Hey" he put his fingers under her chin, forcing her to look at him "You've been the only reason for my happiness. Always"

Derek could see uncertainty in her eyes, as her lower lip began to tremble. She was about to cry, and he didn't know why. He couldn't tell if it was tears of happiness, or rather, they were symbol of sadness. His heart twisted in his chest. He cupped her face in his hands, wiping all traces of tears with his thumbs.

"When I was shot, I was convinced of my own death. And then, for some reason, you showed up in my mind. Your smile, your eyes. Then I cried, Penelope, I cried like a little kid. And I wasn't devastated at the thought of dying or suffering any pain in my body. I couldn't bear to think that I could never see you again"

She closed her eyes again, releasing all her pain. Walls were falling to the ground, she could feel it inside her soul. All her ice was melting due to his warm words.

Derek rested his forehead against hers, smiling tearfully "I don't want to die without telling you how important you are to me" he whispered, giving a kiss to her cheek, "You're my world"

His mouth dropped to her shoulder, leaving a sweet kiss on her skin. She could still feel her tears burning in her eyes, her heart beating wildly. His closeness caused an earthquake in her senses, but she didn't deserve to be loved by anyone. Her fate was to be alone for the rest of her life.

Then his arms were around her body, melting her into his embrace. She needed that human contact. She needed his warmth more than her next breathing.

Derek pulled away from her slightly, looking at her face. Her eyes were full of sadness, pain and something else he couldn't read. She was shattered, her soul was sunk in depression. "What's wrong, my baby?" he asked softly, hiding a lock of blond hair behind her ear.

She avoided his gaze, her brown eyes staring at the bedroom window. Derek sighed with resignation, placing his chin over her shoulder, "What you looking at?"

"Lie down," she said with a hint of a smile, trying to lighten her mood, "You are in recovery"

Derek chuckled and put an arm around her waist, pressing her back against his chest. "You didn't answer me"

She caressed his hand with the tips of her fingers, around his IV needle. With a big sigh, Penelope threw her head back, resting it against his shoulder. "Does it hurt?"

"No longer" he said, looking at her sweetly "You have a magic touch, angel"

She smiled at him, turning to look out the window "I was looking at the stars. They are beautiful and so bright"

"Not as much as you are, baby girl"

"Derek Morgan, don't ever change. You're so good for my ego" she sentenced, feeling his lips below her ear. Penelope closed her eyes, wanting to record his kiss on her memory. He whispered in her ear, "When you go back to Virginia?"

"In the morning," she said, patting the arm that was around her waist "JJ agreed to take care of the kids, but I hate being away from them"

Derek groaned lightly, showing his disagreement. "Stay another day"

"What is the point of that, anyway?" she said, unable to hide her sadness anymore "That just would lengthen our agony"

"Just stay Sunday, and I'll reward your efforts," he said confidently, kissing her jaw to her ear, "I just need a day in your life"

"You are convalescent" she objected, not taking her sight from the sky. Penelope knew that if she looked at his pleading eyes, she would be able to do anything. "No adventures"

"I'll be out of this fucking hospital in the afternoon"

She rolled her eyes upward. The guy could be insistent!. "Good for you. But I have to get on with my life, Derek"

He frowned, pulling his chin away from her shoulder. Her voice sounded so defeated that it sounded including despair. Penelope was mortally wounded, her spirit was shattered. He could see it in her eyes. "That life makes you happy?"

Penelope sighed heavily, clasping her hands in her lap. She felt his arms around her shoulders, his chest tight against her back and his lips resting on her neck. "I'm sorry, baby girl. I'm so sorry"

"Don't be. You're right" she answered honestly, "I'm not happy"

"I can make you very, very happy"

"But the boy-"

"I can make your kids very, very happy, too"

Penelope let out a slight laugh, patting the hand that was on her collarbone. She wanted to take this opportunity, to be happy again. But nothing could be the same. Matt was never going back. Derek would hate her if he knew about their baby. She couldn't bear the loss of her little kid. Her heart would be unable to bear Derek's detestation. She had to get away from him, and soon.

"I can't be happy anymore" she whispered with her voice in tears "My life is broken, I'm shattered, and there's nothing you can do about it. You can't go out to my rescue this time"

He kissed her temple, trying to find the right words. She deserved to be happy, she deserved to have hope. Smiling, Derek brought his lips to her ear "Let me be your hero, baby"

* * *

**Am I in too deep? Have I lost my mind? Well, I don't care, you're here tonight...I can be your hero, baby. I can kiss away your pain. I will stand by you forever**

(Hero, ENRIQUE IGLESIAS)


	10. Chapter 10

DISCLAIMER: **I DON'T OWN ANYTHING (BESIDES O.C.)**

* * *

"My hotel" Penelope whispered confused, pointing to the building. "Where do you expect me to sleep tonight?"

He grinned, his eyes twinkling in amusement, "I thought you wanted to spend time with me"

"But-"

"No buts"

She smiled, sinking a little deeper into the passenger seat. "My apartment is quite big, there is enough room for two" Derek winked at her, smiling crookedly before returning his gaze to the road.

Derek didn't know if he was turning sillier every passing second, or more in love with her. His eyes couldn't move away from her face and his heart jumped in his chest seeing that shy smile. Penelope had something special, something angelic inside of her. Her blonde hair was becoming golden, under the lights of the night and her hazel eyes remained warm despite all that sadness in her pupils. She was a special woman, but for some reason she was unable to see her own light. He had to do something about it, in less than 24 hours.

-**NEVERMIND-**

Penelope looked through the car window at the enormous edifice, almost open-mouthed. The apartment block was surrounded by a beautiful garden, with benches and a enormous pond, where brightly colorful fishes were swimming. "Do you live here?"

He frowned, amazed "Of course not" but Penelope saw a hidden smile on his lips, and then she knew he was about to finish his joke "I live in an apartment, like normal people"

Penelope rolled her eyes, giving a small blow to his bicep but grinning. She tried to get out of the car, but the door lock was set. She looked at Derek. "Why did you put this thing?"

"It's for your safety" he said with mock seriousness, rising from his seat. Then he opened the passenger door, extending his hand toward Penelope, to help her out of his Chevrolet Camaro. "What kind of gentlemen don't opens doors for his lady?"

She glanced at Derek as if he were an alien, then looked at his hand, yet astonished by the situation, she accepted his act of chivalry. "And I thought gentlemen became extinct such as dinosaurs"

Then the night breeze caressed her skin. Her short red skirt not save her from the cold, and she really feared that her nipples were pushing the black fabric of her shirt. Furtively, Penelope dropped her eyes to her chest, immediately crossing her arms over her breasts. Good Lord, why she was not wearing her damn jacket?

Derek was smiling wickedly, with his hands in the pockets of his jeans, such as who has all the time in the world. She could feel color rising in her pale cheeks under his watchful gaze. "Stop looking at me" Penelope muttered, avoiding his eyes.

But he never took his eyes "Are we going to stay here all night long?" she said with a little more force in her voice, pressing her arms against her breasts.

He fought a chuckle, then took off his leather jacket slowly, trying not to push his sore muscle and placed it on her shoulders. "It's ok, Miss Grumpy. Let's go home"

His arm circled her waist, pressing her side against his, as they began to walk toward his apartment. She tensed for a moment, but then her body relaxed totally. She ran her eyes for his tight Tshirt, the maroon fabric hugging every muscle in his upper body. Penelope looked at him under her long lashes. "Very pride of your muscles, right?"

Derek laughed softly, shaking his head. Then a lady came out of the front door, walking a scandalous chihuahua. The old woman smiled lovingly "Hello, Derek. How are you?"

"Hey, Mrs. Collins" he said with a bright smile, "I see that you are as beautiful as ever"

She giggled like a schoolgirl and Penelope felt like dropping a snort of astonishment. Really? "Who is this beautiful woman?"

"This woman so gorgeous, is Penelope" he said quietly, his brown eyes staring at Penelope. "My fiancée"

"Oh, I'm so happy for you," the lady said with such sincerity that even Penelope felt badly for her. "You'll be a lovely bride, dear"

"Thank you, Mrs. Collins" she answered totally unable to say anything else. It was a silly, but she still felt her heart beating wildly.

When the innocent lady turned away from them, she slapped Derek's hand, "Why did you have to say that?"

Penelope was frowning, and looked really angry at him. But Derek knew better. She was just reacting defensively as that last time. He walked slowly towards her, placing his hands on her waist. "Come here"

"No!" she replied, trying to move away from his body. "Get off me"

However, he pressed his body against hers. His fingers brushed her back gently, running up and down her spine. Penelope relaxed into his embrace, accepting his kisses on her cheek."I love you, baby. I love you like I've never loved anyone" he whispered in her ear, trying to convince her of his feelings. He would not to lose her, not this time.

"I would do anything for you. I can leave my job, send this city to hell and run like a beggar to your house. I can marry you or live in sin with no marriage certificate. I'll living hundreds of miles from you, if that's what you want or even have a chastity relationship, even though neither of these two things I like at all "

Penelope smiled as her eyes filled with tears. She embraced his body, wrapping her arms around his waist, resting her cheek against his mouth. "I love you, too"

Derek gulped, then sighed heavily and shut his eyes. He pulled away from Penelope, wanting to look the gesture that she had on her face. Her big brown eyes were full of tears, but there was a hopeful smile on her face. He cupped her face in his hands and brought his mouth to her lips, kissing slowly, carefully. He didn't want to push things. His physical needs couldn't betray his common sense. She did not need passion, but sweetness.

Penelope raised her hands slowly his chest up to his neck. She let herself be kissed, opening her mouth to offer her lips. His kisses were warm, delicate and almost magical, like a first kiss. He kissed her lips slowly, for more than five minutes before sticking his tongue into her mouth, asking permission through her lower lip.

Then she pressed herself closer to him, deepening their kisses. His tongue took possession of her mouth, caressing every corner. How could she deprive herself of something so extremely wonderful? She should kick her own ass.

Derek pulled his mouth away, smiling when he heard her moan of protest. "Are you hungry?" he asked, almost in a whisper. His fingers brushed her cheek, down to the bone of her jaw. He couldn't stop stroking her soft skin, loosing himself in her sweet eyes, longing kiss her mouth again.

"A little," she said, stroking his neck "But I'm mad at you"

"I'm sorry" he said, arching an eyebrow, knowing that she was joking "but I had no choice, mama"

"Oh, don't tell me"

"I think Mrs. Collins has a crush on me," he said, trying to stifle a laugh "I didn't want to give her hopes"

Penelope gaped at him, but with a funny look, "You're incorrigible!" she said, tapping his chest slowly "You smug, arrogant, lady killer"

"Handsome, clever and strong," he teased, his lips barely touching hers "And you should not forget the most important thing ... I'm all yours"

* * *

**When I think, how life used to be; Always walking in my shadows.**

**Then I look, at what you've given me; I feel like dancing on my tip-toes **(Blessed, CHRISTINA AGUILERA)


	11. Chapter 11

DISCLAIMER: **I DON'T OWN ANYTHING **

* * *

Penelope had suffered throughout her life for love. Men of her life never deserved her love, not a single minute of her time. Her romantic history was full of disappointment, heartbreaking and bitter tears.

She'd given up on love years ago, just when Derek decided to take that job in New York. He also decided it was time to turn the tide of his life, killing old Derek. No party. No women. Without risking his life in the field.

Tania blew him a hook and he bit it like a dazed fish, blinded by her unquestionable beauty. But Derek's wife ended up being like those decorative items which are as beautiful as worthless. Penelope felt die when Reid told him about his marriage. Derek removed their love from his life, but she couldn't get him out of her heart. Stupid heart.

With an uncertain smile, she leaned her forehead against his, tying her arms around his strong body. She needed to believe in his words, in his love for her.

"Are you all right, Princess?"

His voice sounded concerned, and Penelope smiled to herself. "It's nothing, honey. Just a little tired," she replied, looking at his face with true worship. Penelope knew the truth. He didn't deserve her doubts, much less her coldness.

Derek had always been a good friend of hers. He was by her side, day after day, for more than seven years. He was her fellow sufferer, her party dude, her best friend. Yes, he had chosen another woman. But she chose to Kevin, and he never said anything about it. He simply accepted her relationship, asking nothing in return.

"Let's move, then," he replied, holding her hand gently, grabbing her travel bag with his free hand. "I'll make dinner and then you'll go to bed"

* * *

**-NEVERMIND-**

* * *

"Wow ... what an apartment"

Penelope looked around the luxurious apartment. She was sure that only the living room and the kitchen were bigger than her entire house.

"I'm glad you like it" he answered, without a hint of arrogance. She wasn't surprised by that. His humility was one of the things she loved most about him. All he had in his life, absolutely everything was result of his hard work.

Penelope sank into the black leather couch, closing her eyes for a moment. God, she was really tired. Her body needed a relaxing shower. "I can take a shower?"

"Of course," he said from the kitchen, pulling some kind of bowl out of the fridge "Feel free. The guest room is the second door of the corridor leading to the terrace. There's a bathroom"

Penelope smiled at him gratefully, trying to hide her disappointment. She didn't feel like to spend the night in the guest room, but in his bed. However, his gentlemanly gesture made her felt a warm sensation. Derek didn't want to accelerate anything in their relationship, and Penelope was really thankful for that

* * *

**-NEVERMIND-**

* * *

"What is that?" Derek asked sarcastically, pointing to her ducklings pj's. That piece of clothing had nothing sexy, but then, she could not imagine that he would see her old yellow pajamas. "I thought you were a business woman now"

"Nah, that's pure appearance" she said smiling, sitting beside him on the couch. "I have to dress like a normal person now and then, you know"

Penelope tilted her head, with a mischievous grin. His hand brushed her bangs from her forehead, matter of factly, as if he had never stopped doing that. They were themselves again. Derek and Penelope, two friends, two lovers. Their paths diverged at one point, but their souls were held together.

He had met beautiful women, without a single defect. They were really georgous, turning heads by their walking. Their perfect bodies aroused the darkest male instincts. Women so cute they were unreal.

At that moment, Penelope was a woman like any other. She had a weary face, with slight shadows around her bright brown eyes. Her hair was mussed, and her mouth was naked, without any lipstick.

However, there was no woman in the world more beautiful than she for him. Derek could not change her innate sweetness for any of those plastic dolls. He had no doubt about it. She was beautiful. And that he felt, it was genuine love.

Derek stroked her cheek with the tips of his fingers, without saying a word. She looked at him with confusion, possibly even shy. A tender smile sailed across her face, as her voice sounded like a whisper, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

He shook his head, releasing a soft laugh "You're perfect"

"Yeah, sure"

"Hey" Derek said, placing his fingers beneath her chin "You're perfect to me"

Penelope had to hold her breath, trying to soothe her poor heart. It was too much, too many feelings around for its own good. She felt flattered, special, like a princess. But Penelope didn't want to feel that way. She didn't deserve such attention. She doesn't even should be in the same room as him. She was weak, liar and selfish.

Derek deserved to know about Matt. He was his dad, even though his eyes never saw their little son. But she didn't want to risk losing him, not after so much pain. Raising her hands to his jaw, she brought his mouth to hers, devouring his lips

He didn't fight when Penelope paced her hands inside his shirt, feeling the heat of his skin. She chained her leg around his hips, placing his pelvis between her legs. It was not just desire or frustration. She could not even explain what her body feel like, when his hungry mouth devoured the flesh of her throat, desperate like a vampire.

His hands tangled in his blonde hair, forcing their mouths to breaking the wet kisses. His eyes were dark, to the point that she couldn't distinguish his pupils of his iris. His gaze was tinged with desire, and Penelope didn't need to hear the agitation of his breath to know that. She just knew.

* * *

"I love you" he whispered fiercely, tasting her lips again with a torrid kiss. "I love you too much"

He wanted make love to her. Derek had not felt such sexual frustration as in that very moment: her legs wrapped around his body, her soft breasts against his hard chest. Penelope was beneath him, breathless, gasping with desire, totally drunk of passion. But there was a hint of sadness in her eyes, something hidden in the depths of her soul.

Derek didn't want to take risks, he didn't want to spend another year away from her. Then he touched her face gently, walking his thumb down her chin. "What's the matter, Penelope?" he asked concerned, looking into her moistened eyes.

She avoided his gaze like a frightened child, blinking rapidly to drown her tears and biting her lower lip. She looked like a helpless girl pretending to be women. But then her strength went back to her body, and her hands caught his neck, pulling his face to hers. "I just want to make love to you, nothing else"

"Baby Girl, listen to me" he asked softly, not wanting to start another argument. But she returned to capture his mouth in a hot kiss, molding her tongue against his mouth. Derek took her kisses and caresses, falling prisoner of her spell. Their kisses lasted several minutes, until he felt her hand caressing him. He sighed heavily, choking back a groan. Then, making use of a supernatural force, he grabbed her wrists in his hands and placed them over her head.

Her eyes widened in surprise, and with visible consternation. Penelope scowled, trying to break free from his hands, "What are you doing?" she demanded, half angry half aroused. She did not know why, but his possessiveness in bed was something she enjoyed.

"What do you think you're doing?" he whispered against her lips, his gaze dancing between her eyes and her half open mouth "Why every time I want to talk to you, you wanna have sex? What are you hiding, uh?"

She knew there was no turning back. Penelope could swear that, seeing his frown, his jaw clenched in desperation. It was the moment of truth.

Her eyes were covered with tears, saddened, and her voice drowned in her throat. Telling the truth was not so easy. Talking about Matt was never easy for her.

Derek wait for an answer, determined to hear everything she had to say. But Penelope said nothing, she kept staring at his eyes without speaking, barely blinking. Frustrated as hell, he got up from the couch and ran his hands over his head. Then he turned to face her, while his impatience grew in his blood.

Penelope was sitting, hugging her knees like a frightened animal. He sighed deeply, calming his temper. Whatever it was, she must be having a hard time.

"Speak up" he said sharply, fixing his eyes on hers "Because obviously something is wrong here"

She approached her legs to her body until her knees touched her chin. Totally devastated, Penelope began to talk slowly, murmuring "I'm so sorry, Derek"

He squinted, puzzled, and took a step toward her. "What are you talking about?"

Penelope wanted to tell him the whole truth, she really wanted to. But her fear of losing him was stronger than her common sense. Her love for him was beginning to seem sick, insane and a total madness. And she was going crazy.

Derek could watch as her body began to tremble because of her abrupt crying. Her tears ran out of control down her face, and he felt his heart break into a million pieces. He was motionless, unable to move a muscle as she was collapsing before his eyes.

Penelope raised her eyes, almost pleading, "Please, can you hold me?"

He walked with firm steps towards her, trying to keep his composure. But his heart was in pain, tired and hopeless. Derek could feel the pressure in the middle of his chest, weakening his strength, breaking all his chains.

"Come here" he whispered sweetly, in a reassuring tone, putting her head on his chest. His powerful arms cradled her body, hugging her as if that was the last time "It's ok, baby girl. I got you"

* * *

**When darkness comes upon you, and covers you with fear and shame,**

**Be still and know that I'm with you and I will say your name... **

(Be still, THE FRAY)


	12. Chapter 12

DISCLAIMER: **I DON'T OWN ANYTHING (BESIDES O.C.)**

_AN: Hey, people! Thanks for your reviews, favorites and alerts :P Your guys make me so happy ;) Here's a new chapter. Hope you like it. Kisses&Hugs!_

* * *

"Derek, I need to tell you something," she whispered softly, her voice crashing into the warm skin of his chest. Penelope closed her eyes, calming her heartbeat. Truth will set you free. People said it very often. She was certain that her true only would make her more miserable. But he didn't deserve more lies in his life. She deserved release, too. Her lies devoured her vitality, her joy to live.

He smiled slightly against her soft blond hair. Derek could stay like this forever. His heart was restful, quiet, simply happy. She was in his arms, and he couldn't feel himself more complete. Leaving a soft kiss on her temple, Derek whispered against her ear. "I'm with you, my love. Whatever it is, I am with you"

She felt like laughing. It was clear that the idea of a secret son not crossed his mind. Now it was too late. Matthew Morgan Garcia received his wings and flew away from her, with no return. Derek would never see his beautiful big brown eyes. He would never hear his laugh, caress his smooth skin. A tear spilled from her lacrimal, wetting her cheek.

"I'm a bad mom" she whispered, convinced of her maternal negligence.

Derek scowled "hey, that's not true," he said, holding her chin with his fingers, lifting her eyes, "You are a wonderful woman and a great mom, I'm sure about that"

Penelope smiled, but it was a bitter smile. Then she took a deep breath "There's something I never told you, Derek. And I think you have right to know"

He gave soft little kisses on her cheek, his embrace tightening around her body. Penelope turned away from him, wanting to look into his eyes at the moment of her confession. "When ... when you went to New York ... I found out I was pregnant"

"What the hell are you talking about?" he whispered, with a weak voice

"Don't interrupt me, please" she asked softly, sitting at the other end of the couch "Wait till I tell you everything, ok?"

He nodded weakly, with his head spinning. That could not be. She couldn't have hidden his own child. What the hell was she thinking? Derek knew his temper could betray him, so he took a deep breath, determined to hear her version.

"I wanted tell you all about our boy but-"

"But what, Penelope?" he shouted, rising from the couch. She could see the anger all over his face, his eyes shining with something akin to disappointment "I wasn't important for your child? You thought I wasn't going to take care of my responsibilities? Tell me what the fuck you were thinking! "

Penelope couldn't help bitter tears borning from the depths of her heart. She already knew what would be his reaction. She should have been silent, and go about their life together.

"I'm still waiting for an answer, Pen" he whispered under his breath, his eyes narrowed. There was no longer sweetness in his eyes, neither love in his gestures. His body just gave off coldness and bitterness. "Why did you do it?"

"You were married!" she said loudly, his voice thick with pain, "I called you, Derek. But Tania answered the phone and told me awful things"

Derek shook his head, letting out a humorless laugh, "I had a right to know about my son. I was his father, damn it!"

"You were married to a bitch" she snapped, wiping her cheeks suddenly "I didn't want to destroy your marriage with that brainless woman, since apparently she was so important to you, to the point to leave your fucking job "

"You have no right to ask me about my decisions" he replied coldly, glancing at her "What is your problem, Pen? Are you angry because I chose her instead of you?"

He cursed his words seconds later, knowing that he had put his foot in his mouth. Derek ran his hand over his face, feeling really frustrated. But when he saw her ravaged face, her eyes full of pain... then he felt like crap.

"Yeah, it was such a big problem for me," Penelope said with her voice cracking by the pain "Because I didn't want to change your decision. You were in love with her, Tania was your wife "

"Where's him?" Derek wanted to change the subject, forget the agony that was written on her sweet features. He needed to forget his bitterness.

Penelope smiled sadly, with great sadness. It was time to open old wounds that never healed. "Dead" she answered frankly, her words still stuck in the bottom of her soul.

She could see how the anger gave way to the devastation in just seconds. Derek frowned, as sad as incredulous. He had not even had time of being happy at the news of his paternity. He plopped down on the couch, his shoulders slumped, his eyes lost somewhere in the floor.

"He died at four months old," she went on, never taking her eyes from his saddened face.

"Matt was gorgeous, so much like you. Your eyes, your lips and even your ears. One night, I kissed his cheek and..." Penelope stopped talking, her memories shattering her heart again. "Matt fell asleep and then he... our baby never woke up"

"They told me that I couldn't have done anything to save his life. It was sudden cardiac death. Reid said that many babies die every year because of...this"

"Why you didn't tell me about him?" Derek whispered powerless, without raising his eyes from the ground.

She swallowed, ignoring the twinge of pain she felt in her heart "I think we've talked about it before"

"A year ago," he said, fixing his dark eyes on her face, "Tell me why you didn't tell me about Matt"

Penelope dropped her tears, trying to control her breathing. "I... I didn't want to lose you, Derek... I thought... I just thought in me, in us ... I'm sorry"

He felt too much pain at the time. His heart was broken into a thousand pieces, while his brain tried to take all of this information. Derek watched at his late son's mom. She was breaking herself sharply, dominated by despair, devastated by her grief.

Derek grabbed her jaw and turned her face to look into her eyes hurt. On impulse, he began devouring her mouth. His body needed comfort. His broken heart needed her love. Their kisses became wild when she agreed to open her lips, accepting his intrusive tongue.

But then, somewhere in his brain, he realized that sex was not going to heal their pain. Nothing could lighten their grief. Derek pulled away from her abruptly, "What are we doing?" he asked rhetorically, getting up from the couch.

Penelope looked at him confused, not knowing what to say. "This is your plan, woman? We must solve our problems like that, just fucking?"

"You kissed me," she said then, visibly wounded "Why do you to blaming me now?"

Derek placed his hands on his waist, shaking his head in resignation. "You know what?" He spat the words out of his mouth, approaching her "Screw you"

She clenched her jaw, digging her eyes on him. Her hand rose angrily from her waist, slamming his cheek. "Respect me" Penelope whispered, stifling her tears.

He didn't reply, not even looked back at her. Derek went to his room, closing the door sharply.

**-NEVERMIND-**

"Can you open the door?" Derek said softly, as he cursed himself silently. How could he be so heartless? She had been alone throughout her pregnancy, and most of all, she had faced the death of her son by herself.

Remorse don't allowed him to sleep peacefully, rather it kept him awake all night long. Derek let out a sound of frustration, when she didn't opened guest room's door. "Come on, I just want to talk to you, beg for forgiveness. Did you want miss your plane?" he teased, trying to provoke a reaction in her. But then a thought crossed his mind...

"Penelope ... are you there, right?" he asked with real terror, his heart pounding against his chest, "Tell me you're there, please"

He then opened the door, but Penelope was not there. She had left his home before time, avoiding having to say goodbye to him. Derek leaned his back against the wall, running his hand over his head with real frustration "Shit"

**-NEVERMIND-**

"Damn spiteful asshole, idiot man" Penelope said under her breath, trying to find the key to her house in a pocket. She breathed deeply, trying to relax. But it did not work. She was really nervous, disappointed and hurt.

Impotence tears began to sprout from her eyes. Derek wasn't to blame for their separation. She, her lies and her monsters ...

When she tried to pull the keys from the jacket pocket, her bag fell to the ground. Penelope felt like stepping back in time, many years ago. Then her pain wouldn't exist.

"Rob, you open the door, please," she said, slamming the door "I'm too tired to fight against bags and keys"

The boy opened the door with a beaming smile. "Welcome home, Penny"

She hugged him, closing her eyes. God, how she missed that guy! Then her eyes wandered to her living room, and her mouth opened in surprise. The whole room was full of flowers, bouquets of all sorts, filling her house with color. "What the hell is this?" Penelope asked, really in shock.

"What the hell is this?" Robert repeated, crossing his arms "A-The Garden of Eden. B-The day of spring. C-A secret admirer. D- A not so secret admirer, aka Derek Morgan "

**"I am not a hero, I am not an angel. I'm just a man...Man who's trying to love her" **In Her Eyes, JOSH GROBAN


	13. Chapter 13

DISCLAIMER: **I DON'T OWN ANYTHING (BESIDES O.C.)**

_AN: Hey People! I'ts me again :P__ I've been__a little busy__this week__, __but here's__a new chapter__.__Hope you enjoy it__. __As always__, __let me__know what you think about__. Kisses&Hugs!_

AN2: This is the official end. I think this adjusts to the reality world. Don't worry, I will write an epilogue much happier. I quoted the same song as the first chapter:_Someone like you by Adele._

* * *

-NEVERMIND-

Penelope looked around her living room. Her eyes watered, walking through all those lovely flowers. She felt sadness hitting her heart, and then an ironic thought was being born in her head. All those bouquets looked like the last tribute to their love, the goodbye to a dead relationship.

She hugged herself "Can you leave me a time alone?"

Robert's blue eyes were saddened, and any amusement gesture vanished from his face. He nodded feebly, before going into his room. She was grateful that Jay was sleeping. The poor little boy didn't need to see her emotional collapse.

Penelope walked slowly towards a large bouquet of red roses. She caressed her velvety petals, as silent tears caressed her cheeks. Derek probably had thought she was mad at him, disappointed with his behavior. She released a faint sad laugh.

When his eyes were filled with bitterness, she knew the harsh reality. Their relationship will never get anywhere. There was too much pain in it. There was no point fixing something that was that broken. There will always be scars.

"Penelope"

Her heart sped up for a second, thinking that it was just fruit of her imagination. But then she heard his voice again. "P, please open the door"

She thought about ignoring his presence. Lock herself in her room and never open the door of her house. But Penelope knew it would be useless. Derek would be willing to wait for hours on. For her.

Penelope took a long breath, and then opened the door. There he was, as broken as herself. She could read it in his sad face, feel his desperation in his reddened eyes. She'd lived through the same pain. She was living such pain every day.

"Forgive me"

His voice quivered, turned into barely above a whisper. Penelope never saw so much weakness in him. Derek was a strong man, sure of himself, almost cocky. But at that very moment, he looked like someone broken. He was a shadow of his former self.

"I'm not mad at you," she said, placing a forced smile on her lips "Don't worry about"

He shook his head, smiling sadly. "I can not stop worrying about you, Penelope. No matter what happens, no matter the pain nor the years. You'll always be my baby girl"

Penelope blinked quickly, trying to stifle her tears. She felt the same unconditional love for him. Then she felt his strong arms around her, his soft cry sneaking in her soul through her ear. Her hands stroked his back, trying to calm a pain that was impossible to heal.

"Derek, it's ok" she said "I have nothing to forgive"

He then pulled away from her, cradling her face between his hands. His brown eyes shone with something like hope. "Let me stay with you"

"I can't do that"

She saw his hope changed into pure devastation. He bit his lower lip, obviously prisoner of his emotions. "Please. I'd never want to live without you. I love you. Never stopped loving you"

Penelope smiled sweetly at him, stroking his cheek with her knuckles. Her heart was broken. But she still loved him with every little bit of it. "Derek, that relationship is hurting us"

"You know what really hurts? he whispered fiercely, fixing his eyes on hers "Waking up every day without you and sleep every night thinking about you"

She felt a knot in her throat. Her oxygen was caught in the middle of her chest. But she knew better. It was not going to work out. Penelope saw the sadness furrowing his face, and then suddenly, he looked ten years older. She rested her forehead against his, hugging his waist "I'm so sorry, honey," she whispered before leaving a light kiss on his chin "But I can't give you what you need"

"I can wait"

Derek knew he was just starting to seem a pathetic being. He was begging like a jerk, by insisting even knowing that he shouldn't do it anymore. In the depths of his heart, he knew she was right. Love isn't enough. Sometimes love is something heavenly, but most of the time, it hurt like hell.

He moved away from her, losing himself in the vastness of her sweet eyes. There was a great love. But then there was pain,too."I love you"

"I love you, too"

Penelope saw the love of his life walking away, leaving her home and her life without looking back. She considered calling his name, be lost in his arms and accept his love. She considered another world, where the pain had not destroyed their souls.

She closed the door, then leaned her back against be letting go is the first step to moving on, it may be hard but it will fix you. But at that time, Penelope knew her heart would never heal. She could meet another man, start another relationship and even marrying a nice guy. But she would never stop loving Derek Morgan.

**Nevermind, I'll find someone like you. I wish nothing but the best for you too. Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said: **

**"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"**


	14. Chapter 14

DISCLAIMER: **I DON'T OWN ANYTHING**

_A/N: Hey guys! Here's the epilogue. Thank you very much for your support. I hope you enjoyed this fic as myself. Kisses&Hugs!_

* * *

-NEVERMIND-

Penelope was able to recognize his figure the same instant her eyes fell on him. Derek stood in front of Matt's grave, but he didn't seem troubled though. She smiled. For she was really happy of seeing him again.

Penelope walked slowly towards him, not wanting to intrude on the scene. "Hey D" Penelope whispered, placing her hand on his shoulder. "I didn't know you were here"

Derek gave her a genuine smile, before approaching her to kiss her cheek. The kiss was just a brush of lips against her skin, but her heart reacted with happiness. Penelope closed her eyes, enjoying that closeness that lasted only a few seconds.

"I'm working here"

"Where do you work?"

"Wanna know my off days?"

Penelope saw how his eyes sparkled in amusement, and she forgot all their pain. She put an arm around his neck and then rested her head on his shoulder. It had been over four months since their last conversation, but for some unknown reason, that gesture seemed just natural. And when Derek circled her waist with his arm, pulling her body to his, it seemed something required to heal their wounds.

Both of them stood in silence, their eyes on that name, as beautiful as painful. No words were necessary, they were not even useful when two souls melded together after walking on a tough road.

Derek's deep voice broke the moment. "Do you think he can see us from somewhere?" She sighed heavily, though that was not a breath of sadness. "I think so. He is everywhere, every day. Matt is in the wind"

He then closed his eyes, trying to contain his emotion. It wasn't easy for him to talk about his son. But if Derek was able to bare his soul in front of someone, that was Penelope."I'd have loved to see him" he said quietly, before his eyes fell on the scarred skin of her wrist. Derek grabbed it between his fingers, stroking the mark with his thumb. "I'd have loved to be by your side"

Penelope looked at him tenderly, trying to control her tears. "You were here. You lived in my heart, in some way or another. Derek, you are the father of my baby. I just couldn't do anything but loving you"

He felt his heart beating again. After some years, Derek feel alive again. "Will you love me again?"

She frowned slightly and then turned away from him. Derek feared he did something wrong. "Sorry, I didn't mean-"

"This is not the time nor place"

"I know," he said, swallowing the lump that was in the middle of his throat.

"But we can meet elsewhere"

She grinned, with a bit of mischief. That was the Penelope he loved. Sweet, funny, cheerful. The love of his life, the only one he never stopped loving. He walked up to her, and knotted his arms around her waist. "That's not funny"

The soft summer breeze caressed their faces, blowing her golden hair. She raised her hands up to his neck, and placed a light kiss on his lips. "Matt liked it"

Derek smiled at her with all the love of his soul. A pure love, almost immortal. Penelope could make believe to a forty man of angels existence. She herself was an angel to him. "I love you"

"I love you more"

Penelope grabbed his hand, and they both began walking away. Derek turned to look at his son's grave. Then he looked forward. That wouldn't be a bed of roses, black clouds also form part of the sky. But after the storm, the sun always shines again. And they'd a little angel flying in the wind.

* * *

**The answer is blowing in the wind **_**(Blowing in the wind, BOB DYLAN)**_


End file.
